To 2020 and a Year of "Doing"
So it’s the end of December. Christmas is over. 2020 is over. It is at this time that I find myself experiencing an ever too familiar sensation of both optimism and pessimism. Joy and melancholy. Success and failure. But, alas, like the cognitive dissonance these sensations bring to mind when experienced simultaneously, so too was my surprise met with utter predictability. I know all too well this time of year evokes all these seemingly opposing emotions and every year they all sneak up and catch me off guard like the beginning of Kashchei’s Infernal Dance in Stravinsky’s Firebird. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnMv6-XTROY)
Freddy, the great agent of chaos.
As my partner Kristin can tell you: when my mind is in a state of clutter and confusion, so becomes my physical environment. My office up until yesterday was completely disheveled. Papers, books, sheet music, sweaters, coats all strewn across the floor. The shelf by my desk in complete disarray (Freddy’s fault, but I never bothered to return it to order). My desk and keyboard decorated with additional papers and of course empty coffee cups. It’s been in this state for a few weeks now…
How peculiar it is that once my space was cleaned, my mind also became uncluttered. Why couldn’t I just do this sooner if the emotional change was so instant? Does the state of my room affect my emotion… or does my emotion affect the state my room? It is kind of a chicken or egg scenario, but thankfully, regardless of the reason, I finally find myself in a significantly better mental state, ready to reflect upon this past year, and look to 2021 with newly found optimism and ambition.
A clean studio. There are usually 2-3 empty coffee cups to keep me company…
Let’s start with the highlights. 2020 was a year of “doing” for me. It certainly became a diving board and a big leap into the deep end— finally attempting things that I have been putting off or avoided being public about for years. Sink or swim. These are things I would always discontinue and tell myself “now isn’t the right moment” or “you aren’t good enough to do that yet,” and considering I left my job during one of the worst economic climates in American History I could have easily retreated into that safe territory of now not being the right time. It certainly did come to mind periodically throughout the year, but I would also follow that question with another: if not now, when is the right time? Sometimes you just have to do the thing and not worry about if it was clean or if the end product was perfect. So here is my list of things I was proud to say I got done this year:
Left my full-time job to establish myself as a composer and producer.
I wrote more music in 2020 than I ever have. Almost 40 minutes worth to be precise! This was a huge deal for me and didn’t realize that I had written this much until I tallied it all up this morning.
I got paid for the first time ever to write original music.
Released my first album of electronic works. Something I have been wanting to do since my early 20’s.
I practiced violin more than I ever have since college and greatly improved my skills as a result.
Threw myself into the public as a violinist, something that I was always too intimidated to do because I never felt good enough or worthy to do.
Began a violin and clarinet duo with my partner and began performing for audiences. Believe it or not, we’ve been together for almost ten years and have never done this until now.
Cleaned up my old scores and put them up for sale online.
Got in better shape. I lost 7 lbs (37 lbs in total since 2018) and even built a little more muscle.
Visuals from my first Mini-Track post on Instagram. Mini-Tracks 2021 will be a thing.
We are Air & Water Duo
Now it wasn’t all sunshine, daisies, and fine whiskey for the whole year. There were some projects I really wanted to complete or be more consistent with by this time that didn’t happen, and I need to do my due diligence now and list them for future reference. When I was in my cluttered headspace over the last few weeks I wanted to list these as failures, but I will now consider them more as areas of improvement for 2021. Here they are:
Back in April learning how to record and edit duos.
Work with more violin students in 2021. Teaching violin has always been one of my main sources of income and has now become more so since I left my full-time job. I was hoping by this time I would have a few more students as part of my studio, but this simply did not happen and this made budgeting a little tighter than I would have preferred in the latter months of the year. I did begin working with a few new fantastic students who are really sweet, and I look forward to working with more in the future. So, this is me recommitting myself to building my violin studio more this new year.
Develop a consistent presence with my blog/newsletter. Yeah… I basically abandoned this completely. Sorry to anyone who is subscribed to my newsletter! I am coming back I promise! I wanted to write more about music and current cultural issues, and although I got out a couple of nice blog posts in 2020, putting them together proved to require a lot more time and effort than I had originally anticipated and I was unable to be consistent with it as a result. I am going to figure out how to reorganize my blog and newsletter strategy for consistency’s sake. If you would like to see what I am up to throughout the year and get my blog posts to your email, feel free to sign up for my newsletter here.
Study more serious violin rep. I got a lot of practicing done and grew a lot, but I want to start focusing that energy on some solo rep that I’ve never studied before. I have not yet determined what that rep will be exactly, I will have more details on that soon.
Develop a consistent investment strategy. I do have some some investment strategies in place, but I haven’t sat down to determine what’s working and what isn’t. My mind was putting out so many different fires throughout this year that I never allowed myself an opportunity to just to develop a concrete plan as to where my money should be working best for me.
Read more books. This is kind of a win/fail thing as I did read a lot more this year than I have in recent years, it just wasn’t as much as I was wanting to do. So, here is to rededicating myself to the beauty of books this year.
I have a few more odds and ends up on my vision board, but these are the key areas I want to refocus my energy on throughout the new year. The things that went well throughout 2020 I also want to keep laser focus on and see if I can take them even further. For example, I would like to see if I can reach for double the amount of original music that I wrote this year focusing on longer forms of music. Building a six pack and some nicely toned glutes would also be nice... but for such lofty goals it’s always about the journey not the destination, eh?
Peace!
Thank you everyone for a fantastic year. I am so grateful for your support and words of encouragement throughout 2020. It helped keep me going and stay creative. I know it was certainly a difficult year for all of us, but if we continue to have each other’s backs, we will all endure. We must continue to strive for kindness toward one another. As Kristin and I welcome in the New Year together at midnight, you will all be in my heart as I toast, with a glass of whiskey in hand, to a new year of “doing.”
Have a Safe and Happy New Year!
J.A.G.